for lent.

last week a girl who is just beginning treatment asked me a question. i didnt really think much of it at the time, but it has stuck with me throughout the weekend. she asked me "is it worth it?".

lately i have been writing things like this question off as gamey-ness and have had very little patience for people who play the games...who cant just say yes to recovery...who are so tangled in the web of sickness that they cant see, or talk about anything else. when things like this question are said to me (i call it a "movie moment") i feel so awkward that i immediately laugh or give a quick answer...but i wonder, have i become so jaded that i cant have a genuine "moment" with a person?

so as i sit and think about her question, i am trying to see it from her point of view. i think i have lost sight of what it was like to be sick and in losing sight of that, i am losing something huge that helps me speak to people and reach out. if i look at it through her eyes, she is this little, confused girl who has the opportunity to spend some time with the girl who did recovery night 2 months ago...thats an opportunity i wish i had when i started treatment.

i havent given anything up for lent yet (i know, i know...) so i think i am going to give up judging people so quickly and on the flip side of that, really work on having more patience. i talked to some girls yesterday to help them with their treatment and felt so good about it afterwards...if i want to keep doing that i have to keep my eyes open and remember to remember (haha thats alot of remembering...) what it was like.
i know there are some people who will pull the sick act...and for those people an eating disorder is probably the least of their mental health issues...but for the most part, what if it isnt a game? what if my recovery has brought along with it some cynicism? yikes. so i am really going to try and take a step back and try to really listen and believe.

and yes, it was worth it...a thousand times over.